THE GUILT TRIP
Having some introspective moments here. Usually my 12 yr old sleeps thru the whole Sunday long run thing. This Sunday she asks me to "make it a shorter run so we can have some quality time ". GUILT TRIP! ...killing me! Even though I have spent tons of 'quality time' with her watching stupid teen movies with her, baking , talking, shopping, etc. and I know she won't get out of bed till 11am ! (when we get back)
Then there is HAITI- omg, these people are in bare bones survival mode. People starving, suffering and dying. Here I am counting calories, trying to make 'healthy food choices" etc, etc, . Not to mention recording and logging my miles/altitude, intensity etc.. It seems so self centered in comparison to this world around us!! I feel so selfish!
But at the same time, I have massive amounts of gratitude for what I have in my life. I am soooo lucky to be able to make these choices. WHAT should I eat, how FAR should I run, WHEN will I spend QUALITY time with my daughter. I don't think the people of Haiti wonder about 'quality time'. The other night I was bored. Well, BOREDOM IS A LUXURY!!! Many people in this world would love to be bored- not starving, not scavanging, not diving bombs, but bored.
In the end I have come to the conclusion that although my running IS selfish. It is something I do for ME. I LOVE it. There isn't much else I do only for myself. I work to help heal other people, I volunteer for others, and the rest of my spare time is spent supporting my family (driving, homework, cleaning,cooking,banking, laundry) . Running is a GOOD thing. It keeps me FIT to help others, it keeps me SANE to be there for others and the events I go into are often fundraisers for those in need!
Maybe it isn't as selfish as I think it is....